My hideous handsome face

Yep. My poor face. I banged it up again, this time by riding my bike like a dumbass, tipping over and landing pretty much directly on the left side of it. Like I said, its not the first time something like this has happened. Its not my first bike wreck but this is the first time a bike wreck has affected my pretty face. Let's see though, I think the last black eye I had was given to me by asshole frat boys after I made obnoxious comments about their "crotch rockets" right in front of their house on my way home from a bar a couple years ago. They invited me to "come in and see their house" and like the drunken idiot I was I thought it sounded like a great idea. When I got inside they proceeded to get me on the stairs and start punching the shit out of me. Luckily the guy I was walking with realized something was not right so he came into the house after me and dragged me out. Don't worry though, even as he was dragging me away from the house and the frat guys were chasing after us still punching me when they could, I had both my middle fingers up in the air, yelling obsenities at them and laughing at how much cooler I thought I was then them even though I had just had my ass kicked. But that time I really just got a black eye and a few miscellaneous scrapes (mostly from the street as I was being dragged away). My face has looked really similar to this before though. I dont remember exactly how it happened but I'm pretty sure I just walked straight into some hard metal object walking home from a party. I remember coming home, just like last night, with blood dripping from my face, so numb from alcohol that my overwhelming emotions were really just that of frustration and annoyance. But I cleaned up with some gracious help from roommates and just like that time, this will heal. I'll be good-looking again. Really that is my primary concern. But I'll be sure to enjoy all the pity and attention I get from everyone until then. I'll even enjoy the disgusted reactions of those who just think its my own damn fault and feel I got what was coming to me. Obviously for all of these injuries there is one recurring theme of excessive drunkenness. Its really not as cool as I'm trying to make it out to be. I'm glad the drunkenness is extremely rare these days and getting rarer by the year until eventually it will be extinct. My personality when I'm drunk is about as attractive as the left side of my face right now. Super arrogant, extremely proud, and very willing to make funny but evil comments about whoever or whatever crosses my path. I was just thinking yesterday afternoon about being drunk and how if I actually had to talk to myself when I'm drunk with eyes glazed over and swaying back and forth how much less appealing I would be to myself as a person. Anyway the real moral of this story is not to ride your bike when you're wasted beyond belief. And as I was taking a nap today I was dreaming and I think I figured out that I was actually swerving back and forth along the road last night as I rode. And then I leaned the bike too far to the left and BAM. I remember just being like "Fuck." as I laid there with my bike on top of me, face pressed up against the concrete definitely feeling like a huge idiot. And there is no question that crashing your bike because you're riding stupidly and drunk is an idiot move. Maybe this time I'll learn my lesson.